Years...

I haven't been happy in years...I have had some happy periods, but I haven't been happy...at my core, as my base emotion. I've been this way for years. It's because of you; well not because of you, but because of me and you or me and how I treated you or was with you at a time when I needed to be a different way or...YOU. I walked away, without saying so many things I needed to say, so much that I wanted to say to you. I should have fought for you, I could have and didn't. I let whatever was happening in my head and my anger, disappointment and to be honest, confusion, get in the way of my heart. Everything was so loud, everything else drowned out my heart. I stopped feeling love an felt everything else, I reacted to what you did and forgot who you were, who you are and that I needed you and would be forever altered by your departure. I was changed fundamentally, at my core, by letting you go, by walking away but in my hubris was blinding. I'm sorry. forgive me. I should have fought for you. I am empty inside and have had a hole I cannot fill with anything, a space that cannot be whole. I hope that one day, I will be ok. I accept that at no time in my life, will I be truly happy until you know this...I am sorry I did not fight to keep you with me. I regret every second of time I have spent without you. I failed you. I love you.

Why colored girls stay winning

White women and black women are out here wondering why colored girls stay winning when it comes to gettin men...Here is the reason why.

Colored girls are ride or die chicks.

When a colored girl is a hoe,she a hoe. She ticks EVERY box in the hoe to do list,she go one hundred per cent hoe,no halfstepping bullshit. On the flipside, when a colored girl says she loves you she means it,she will forsake everyone for you,her friends,family, all that shit. She has your back!!!! She will forgive the worst shit and tell everybody "that is MY MAN". She'll kick other women's ass over you. She ride or die for you.You could be the ugliest nigga on the planet,but if she love you,you HER ugly nigga.They will take your side regardless of the rumours and bullshit they are told about you.Ride or die.

Colored girls don't give a fuck about money.

Colored girls will love your ashy,broke,smelly ass and not ever even for a second come at you about your dough. They don't give a fuck what you have or don't have. You'll see a colored girl with some broke nigga at some hood bar or club,hottest chick in the place,getting drunk off of the cheapest liqour and turn down niggas with Porsches to walk home with her man. When a colored girl loves you,she doesn't ever make you feel less than because you a broke nigga. That's why paid niggas love them,coz they know it ain't about the money.

Colored girls WILL have yo baby and are FREAKS.

Colored girls will rock with NO CONDOM from day one, when they are down for you,they WILL have yo baby.They have no time for waiting. DAY FUCKIN ONE,NO CONDOM! They are freaky as fuck too. Colored girls will do whatever their man likes sexually and never judge or be on some "I don't do that". Colored girls will be on some "you like anal,you my man,then you fuckin me in the ass". They will fuck you on a plane,train and while you drive your automobile. Did I mention that colored girls don't give a fuck as long as they love you? That's what;'s up!

BUT...BE WARNED.

When a colored girl breaks up with you or leaves you,she WILL break your LIFE not just your heart. LITERALLY fuck you up and walk away with the air you breathe. So treat them right and they will NEVER fuck you over,fuck up and they will destroy whatever happiness you think you had.

So ladies,long story short. Colored girls stay winning coz they stay real!

We all have a place we wanna get to,life is the journey that could potentially get us there. Often we overlook the journey for the destination,the forest for the tree. We spend so much time worrying about not being where we wanna be,that we miss out on everything beautiful that is where we're at right now.
                I'm not saying that we should take our eye off the prize...fuck it,that's what I'm saying. If we have tunnel vision,if all we see is what's ahead,then how can we see anything else? We must learn to make it a habit, part of our make-up, to stop and smell the roses as it was. To stick our tongue out the window of a moving car and see why dogs find it so amusing. Eat ice cream too quickly and get brain freeze. Swim naked in the ocean,a river, a lake...fuck it,your neighbour's swimming pool.
                         Freedom and jail, are both in our minds. There are men and women who are incarcerated who have more freedom than some who walk the street free. You should let your mind wonder, learn new things every day. smile at strangers and do something charitable/nice for someone you don't know. 
                                         In order to get to our destination quickly, we must enjoy the journey. When you get to where you want to be,you won't be relieved and exhausted. You'll have had an awesome adventure and stories to tell,friendships to cherish and love that is timeless and true. All because you were willing to look out the window,to open it and feel the wind on your skin. Because you were willing to dance in the rain and take in every flavour, taste every sensation. 
                                                                    
                                                                        You will know true happiness because you chose to live,to be an active participant in your life,rather than exist and wait for the journey to end. Live,love,feel,eat,drink,touch and taste. Be open and your life will truly be yours and it will be a hell of a story. Carpe Diem...

Lessons...

10 lessons we should teach our children...

The price of something Does not determine its value.NEVER attach your self worth to how much money you have...

Fight for what is right,not just what you want...

Keep an open mind about everything and your life will be filled with amazing new discoveries forever...

Be honest,be kind,be a good neighbor to everyone you share this world with...

Give everyone the respect they deserve. Individuals always show us what level of respect they deserve...

Never let a man/woman who breaks your heart,break your spirit or make you doubt the beauty of love...

Keep the ones who love you close,appreciate them and show them everyday how much you value them...

Do not fear what you cannot control.We must accept what is not ours to determine,stay strong...

It is okay to cry,to lose some battles,as long as you come out of them wiser and stronger...

Always put GOD/FAITH first. Build spiritual strength and enlightenment...

Love isn't something you can plan,something you do. It's not like setting yourself a target, saying "I want a degree" or "I want a new job". The sure fire way to fail at any relationship is to push for it, when you push, all you do is push people away.
                                          Love is something that happens to you, not something you make happen. Love is like a car accident, you don't get behind the wheel saying "today I'm gonna cause a car crash",but once it happens to you it changes you forever. You're never the same behind the wheel again.
                                                                                                                                Love has hurt me, destroyed me, decimated me, but I have not one regret.I was scarred by it,but those scars are beautiful, they tell my story. I was loved and I loved. Nothing is more liberating,more powerful.
                                                                                                                              So no matter how alone you feel, no matter how badly you want someone to hold you and be with you, never compromise love for a "relationship". A relationship is not love, let love happen to you. Let it come to you. When it does; no matter how long, the wait will have been worth it all.

                                                                 LOVE HAPPENS...BELIEVE IN IT...

An open letter to YOU...WOMAN.

Dear woman,

I'm sorry. I'm sorry for every lie ever told to you, every night you were alone when you thought you had someone to hold you. I apologise, for every argument,when all that was needed was a conversation when things were calm. I would like to let you know that you are beautiful,I know any man can say that to you,but I mean YOU. Not your face or body. Your spirit, your essence, your mind,your soul are beautiful. You are a beautiful person, I want you to know this and never forget it, even when you are at your lowest.
                                                                                                                                              Thank you,for the little things you do and did everyday that were and are taken for granted. You make selflessness seem so easy and effortless, you take every step and move with such elegance that you make life easier to get through. For your grace under pressure and your constant faith and support, thank you. For making me better, more focused and for believing in my dreams, no matter how silly I sometimes thought they were. You are appreciated.
                               For your mistakes, for your moments of weakness and decisions that hurt me, you're forgiven. For every time your words cut me deep, for leaving me alone,drowning in my tears and pain;I forgive you. I understand that you are not perfect, I appreciate that and see you, all of you, the good and the bad.

Never ever stop being YOU.

Love Always,
Man.

Sober

The constant pain is gone,I'm over you...You're like the words to an old song,I only remember the tune.
I'm not with you,but I'm not alone...I still think about you,your beautiful soul.
Transitioning to the man I've always been...Only not by your side,as my world spins.
I used to sing to you,lullabies and declarations of love...I sometimes hear those songs,echoes of what was.
I don't hurt no more,the constant pain is over...My heart only hearts when I'm sober...It only hurts when I'm sober.

Pour another drink and I forget that I wanted to call...Take another puff of this and I'm no longer going through withdrawal.
                              Shots so hot and beer so cold...Like the last time we talked on the phone,you were so cold.
Whatever possessed me to give you a my heart...It's okay,this drink will tear that pain apart.
Holding on no more,I don't even care to think...I feel real good now,I don't care about you thanks to this drink.
I don't hurt no more,the constant pain is over...My heart only hearts when I'm sober...It only hurts when I'm sober.

I know not who you are now...You're a stranger...I feel nothing...I don't hurt no more,the constant pain is over...My heart only hearts when I'm sober...It only hurts when I'm sober.