Years...

I haven't been happy in years...I have had some happy periods, but I haven't been happy...at my core, as my base emotion. I've been this way for years. It's because of you; well not because of you, but because of me and you or me and how I treated you or was with you at a time when I needed to be a different way or...YOU. I walked away, without saying so many things I needed to say, so much that I wanted to say to you. I should have fought for you, I could have and didn't. I let whatever was happening in my head and my anger, disappointment and to be honest, confusion, get in the way of my heart. Everything was so loud, everything else drowned out my heart. I stopped feeling love an felt everything else, I reacted to what you did and forgot who you were, who you are and that I needed you and would be forever altered by your departure. I was changed fundamentally, at my core, by letting you go, by walking away but in my hubris was blinding. I'm sorry. forgive me. I should have fought for you. I am empty inside and have had a hole I cannot fill with anything, a space that cannot be whole. I hope that one day, I will be ok. I accept that at no time in my life, will I be truly happy until you know this...I am sorry I did not fight to keep you with me. I regret every second of time I have spent without you. I failed you. I love you.